As a mom and wife, I will stereotypically state that I know my way around a slow cooker.  Slow cookers (also known as crockpots) are, in my opinion, one of the world’s greatest (and often underrated) inventions.  You put raw ingredients into the large pot in the morning, and by suppertime you have a delicious meal that honestly cooked itself.  Brilliant.

After my husband passed away, the crock-pot remained nestled deep in the back of the cupboard, rarely seeing the light of day.  Oh sure, I made a few pots of chili when close friends or family were coming over, but those were a rare occurrence.  I certainly did not pull out the crock-pot just for myself.  That is, until just the other day.  I did not realize the significance of my actions until I was sitting at the table, alone, eating my slow cooker chicken. 

I have realized that healing from grief is, in some sneaky ways, a lot slower than I realized it would be. It may sound ridiculous, but there are a lot of things that grief changes about you.  One of the things that changed for me was learning how to live by myself, and cook by myself, for myself.  It has taken almost three years for me to be able to find my way around the kitchen again.  Part of my challenge was learning how to cook for one person after cooking for a family for so many years.  The other challenge was finding the desire to cook for one person.  If I couldn’t create my entire meal in one little fry pan, I just wasn’t interested. 

Being able to pull out the slow cooker to prepare a meal shows me that I am figuring out how to do some of the basic life tasks that had become difficult as I transitioned from being in a busy household to a party of one.  This was something that I wasn’t even completely conscious about until the slow cooker incident.  Once again, I thought I was doing ok.  Once again, I was reminded that some things take time to adjust to.  Once again, I realize that the grieving process can be messy, unexpected, and irrational.  As I think about it, I am quite sure I will have other ‘slow cooker’ experiences in the future.  Things that had become difficult for me to do, for whatever reason, that I will once again be able to accomplish.  It is like an imaginary switch that gets flicked back on and I am once again able to do something I didn’t even realize I had stopped doing.  It is like my meal in the crock pot.  Ingredients are added and in time there is an edible meal.  The ingredients for my complete and healed life are already inside me, it just takes time for things to simmer and become fully functional again.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have some carrots to chop for a new recipe I am going to try.

What is something you have noticed that you were struggling with, but is becoming easier for you?  Feel free to contact me.